Received this from a parenting group. Thought that this is excellent.
Strategies for Taming Toddler Tantrums
via Wonder Woman Wannabe by 1wonderwomanwannabe@gmail.com (Heidi) on 6/23/10
Lately, I feel like this is my toddler (emotionally speaking)...
and this is me....
Getting 'all steamed up' because of it!
I chose this weeks Monday Musings to remind me that while I can't control my toddlers sparkling fuse of emotions, actions, and reactions, I am in control of my own.
In an effort to help 'find my happy heart' (like I'm always reminding my 5 yr. old) I pushed the re-set button on my attitude and became determined to be the resourceful, creative mama I want to be in the midst of this draining emotional period of of my childs life.
I have a habit of saving articles and helpful tips that I come across so that I can either refer to them again as needed or pass them along to others. That is one reason I started this blog, to have a place to file away these ideas as well as to share them. I have a binder full of articles that I've collected from favorite parenting websites or magazines. Little by little, this blog is taking the place of that binder.
In an effort to renew my mind and 'pour myself out', I recently scoured my binder in search of some tried and true strategies that could refresh my tantrum taming skills and as well as pass it along to you!
~The following (semi adapted) are just a few tid-bits that I found extremely helpful from the June 2005 issue of American Baby by mother and freelance writer, Brett Graff~
Why are toddlers so moody, and why are they explosive when their moods shift gears?
#1) They can't communicate their wants and needs as well as they'd like to.
For kids between ages of 1-3 the world is enormous, fascinating, and ever changing.
That's both exciting and frustrating at the same time, especially when your only 3 ft. tall with a vocabulary of 20 words! They see things they want, but don't know how to express what that is.
What to do:
Sometimes you're not going to be able to figure it out, and all you can do is remain calm. In addition you might try to picking up items, naming them aloud as you go, in efforts to help them show you as well as learn more words in the process.
#2) They have no concept of time They know what they want, and if they don't get it right away, watch out!
What to do:
Become a master distractor - Since they have no concept of time, they are sidetracked very easily. Use this to your advantage if you have to delay their needs/wants. Always be at the ready with a distraction. I've also taught this tactic to my older child as a way to work with his brother when it comes to sharing toys.
Example in action:
Owen sees Eli fussing over wanting a toy he's playing with - Owen draws his attention to another toy and gushes over how fun it is and shows him how to play with it. If a five yr. old can, we can too!
#3) They have trouble controlling their emotions.
A young child has very little practice in managing his changing moods and emotions, so he's very easily swept away by strong feelings. They don't have the logic and reasoning skills to move beyond their outrage. For example, my little Eli LOVES playing outdoors and he isn't yet able to realize that there is fun to be had with a bubble bath at the end of a fun-filled summer night, followed by stories and cuddles.
What to do:
Calmly tell your child that while they can't continue what they are doing, there are other things they can. You might even consider helping your child label their changing emotions and empathize with them. You could say "I understand that you're having fun _______ right now and you don't want to get out. That must make you feel angry/sad." Of course, it will take time before your toddler connects the words to feelings. But if you continue to label his emotions, by the time he's a preschooler, he'll have a better understanding.
#4) They have trouble switching from one task to the next.
"It takes a lot of physical and mental energy to adapt to the ever-changing world," (Claire Lerner, author of Bringing Up Baby Zero to Three) It's helpful to prepare your toddler for 'transition times' as much as possible.
What to do:
Activity changeovers can be eased with warnings that come early and often. Give them a play by play of what to expect, step-by-step. In the bath say, "Now we're going to wash your hair and rinse it. After we rinse it, we're getting out of the bath." Lerner suggests. "Don't think you are coddling your toddler. These are coping skills and she'll internalize and hopefully, use later when tackling bigger transitions, like going to preschool.
#5) They want to call all the shots and do exactly as they please.
What to do:
Offer as many choices as possible while still ensuring you control the outcome.
Whether struggles develop over wearing appropriate clothing or using the potty, often times if you offer a choice, (show two outfits you've selected or let them pick big or little potty) they'll get so distracted by the question and forget about objecting to the whole process.
I need to personally remember this at bedtime with choices of pj's now that Eli puts up such a huge fuss getting dressed after bath time!!
#6) They get tired and hungry very quickly
Unlike older kids and adults, toddlers don't fuel up at meals. They tend to graze all day.
What to do:
First, plan your day around nap time. Period. It is so important that they get the rest they need to recover from the mornings activities and recharge for the remainder of the day. If your child is anything like mine, pushing your them beyond their typical window of tiredness may result in a really crumby nap too. Second, always, ALWAYS have healthy portable snacks on hand. I consider snacks a staple item in our diaper bag - you just never know when you'll get stuck in traffic in the car or when a play date at the park or shopping trip may run longer than you expected. Snacks can be a serious life-saver and distraction in these situations.
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Daniel Broughton MD, a pediatrician at the Mayo Clinic had this to add to the article:
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to distract, entertain, or jolly your child into a better mood, things go south very quickly. This doesn't mean you're an incompetent parent - or that you have an incorrigible child. Such outbursts are completely normal. "Toddlers are busy teaching themselves which behaviors are successful in getting people to do what they want. Tantrums are just one of their many experiments. But if you constantly give in to the screaming, you'll teach your child that this is an acceptable goal." So what do you do instead?
Don't try to rationalize or argue with a toddler.
If he's screaming over a cookie, forget about that Oreo. Once you've hit tantrum ground zero, the cookie is no longer the focus of the problem - controlling the situation takes center stage. Put your child in a safe place (crib or playpen) -- and walk away for a minute. This will help your child calm down and soothe himself as well as take him away from the temptation that spurred the tantrum. When things are calmer, pick him up and carry on with your day.
Whatever you choose to do DON'T fork over that cookie. That would render the tantrum a success. After some trial and error, your toddler will eventually learn that throwing tantrums won't give him what he wants.
